What would she think of me now?

My daughter, born July 6, 2003, is less than two years old. Of course I can't expect her to recognize me every time I visit, since I can only afford to visit her once every two months or so. But what would that turn into in her adolescent years?

"Where were you when I was growing up?? Living it up without a care in the world?!?

Of course not. Going from MBA graduate and performance measurement consultant to living on social assistance is hardly living it up. And still being completely in love with my estranged wife doesn't quite portray the picture she'll develop growing up. Her mother with her new boyfriends. Her life not knowing her father.

But why do I keep trying to find a job in my field in Toronto? It's not because I'm in love with Toronto; it's to be close to you, my beloved daughter.

But how can a father explain that to a daughter--as much of a genius as she is--as less than two years old? I can't.

I'll have a small amount of money after the 30th. Maybe I'll plan a trip then. But will I have a birth certificate in hand?

Sometimes I'm too much of a nice guy.