Swiffer Vows

How could she look me in the eyes to say her wedding vows and less than a year later sweep them aside with less effort than a Swiffer?

--- Added July 6, 2006 10:45pm AUDIO FOR THIS SECTION COMING SOON ---
And what a disgrace this new Swiffer Sweeper that contains a disposable cardboard with a sticky surface that you discard after it has collected all the particulate matter that it can? Hasn't anyone ever heard of a carpet sweeper? They work better than this Swiffer product, come for free with some Bessel carpet steam cleaners (and are cheap otherwise), and actually with the brushes that rotate in opposite directions, are almost as efficient as a full upright or canister vacuum with rotating bristles. They pick up pet hair, small particulate matter, dust, and even larger objects. There are no parts to throw away--you simply empty the dust pan portion of the floor sweeper and use the included comb to remove the pet hair from the brushes and away you go!

Swiffer has got to be the biggest scam in marketing. I majored in Marketing Research and Strategic Marketing Analytics during my masters and although I am not using my MBA degree right now, I do know enough that products like the Mach3, Fusion, Shick Quattro, all Swiffer products, are based on a "planned obsolescence" business model; that is, Gilette could easily make a razor that lasts several years, but then who would buy the super-expensive Mach3 or Fusion blades, which is where the recurring revenues come from? So, the blades are engineered to last a lot shorter than they could. What these consumer product companies tout as better products, closer shaves, cleaner rooms, etc., are actually directives from product managers and marketing managers to instruct engineers to find ways for these products to last an "average" time that people are used to changing their shaver blades, an average amount of dust and particulate matter consumers want to be able to pick up before spending more money (I count using up a new disposable as spending in this case--no, I won't get into accounting and revenue or expediture recognition) and try to engineer their products to bring in a steady income stream based on recurring sales of razor blades, Swiffer dusters, sweepers, wipes, and whatever other products you notice using the same business model--planned obsolescence.

This is in stark contrast to what MSN Messenger (now Windows Live Messenger) and ICQ have done; they actually required users to change chat client software to support new features that were no longer backwardly compatible with the old MSN and ICQ networks; of course, a simple check could be done to see if an older version of MSN or ICQ (they were much faster, used less memory, and got the job done), but that would add a lot of overhead and double the coding required. This is not planned obsolescence strictly speaking (although the new veresions do display advertisements that I cannot figure out how to turn off completely--I can get them not to display, but the space used by the ads is still there. And it's not that I'm bothered by the ads--I know I have no money to buy whatever the ads are promoting, but it is a reality that as technology improves, sometimes new technologies are impractical or unfeasible to support the old. Again, this is not planned obsolescence.

By the way, I shave in the shower, using soap and extremely quick strokes. I get the same close shave as a new Mach3 or Fusion (I was given a Fusion 5-blade as a gift), from a blade I changed over a year ago as I do from a brand new Mach3 blade. Maybe Gilette will realize that some people who don't grow facial hair too quickly aren't buying replacement blades and engineer new Mach3 shaving blades to wear down even faster than they used to.

Interestingly enough, I'm just curious, but of you using Mach3, Fusion 5-blade, Schick Quattro 4-blade, Venus 3-blade, how often do you change your blades, and is it because your blade does not shave as close as it used to, it seems to cause tears that bleed in the skin, it feels less sharp when new blades are used, or what? I'm curious. I last changed my Mach3 blade last summer and it's still performing just as well as it was last summer, and I have no plans to change blades for maybe another year.

Could it also be the way I shave? I was never taught the proper way to shave; my father dry shaves, uses the cheapest single-blade disposable he can find (or his electric shaver--I actually have a Philipps electric too for emergencies, but I find it takes a long time and doesn't shave nearly as close as my manual razor). So, until I hear otherwise, I use soap on my face (deodorant soaps, such as Zest, Irish Spring, etc.) and I use an upstroke against the hair growth line (I know people say it causes ingrown hairs and such but I have never yet cut myself or had an ingrown hair in all the years I've been shaving since high school over a decade ago). My strokes generally last less than half a second each, using gentle pressure, and then I wash off the stubble and the soap I used to lubricate. I've been shaving this way since I can remember (since one of my ex-girlfriends told me guys do shave in the shower), so I don't spend any money on shaving gel or aftershave either. I cut myself shaving no more than once a year, and I complete shaving my entire facial hair in less than a minute.

Why don't more people do it this way? Is it that people just got into the habit having been taught a certain way? Is it that people think shaving slower gives better results? Is it that people think that shaving with the hair growth rather than against it is safer or yields better results? I mean I don't get a five o'clock shadow until I'm already in bed for the night.

Maybe I should re-record the voice narration for this blog, since it's turned into a lot longer post than I'd originally intended.

If you have a good razor, try using it for a year, using soap as a lubricant, light pressure, and very quick strokes (perhaps chin to sideburns takes 1/6 to 1/8 of a second), the moustache is even faster--whole moustache area I complete in about 1.5 seconds, again using up-strokes.

As long as your blade does not slice sideways through your skin, or you don't shave over a pimple or a large mole, you should have just as close a shave, no bleeding ever, and save valuable time--30 seconds is generally long enough to do a complete shave, including moustache, beard from chins to sideburns, the area below and behind the ear, and the stray hairs on the middle throat.

Try it and please let me know your results! I'm eager to find out other people's usual method of shaving (since I was never taught it), and your experiences with my method that evolved over time. Since I now have a Mach 3 with 3 extra blades, and a Fusion 5-blade with 3 extra blades, I do not anticipate having to buy replacement razor blades for either of my razors for several years.

Incidentally, I think I found the Mach 3 more comfortable to shave with. It might have been the specific Fusion 5-blade razor head that I got, but I don't think so. I think Gilette found the optimal number of blades at 3 and should probably stop before we get 8,192-blade razors. The Shick Quattro is not bad but I've never used it long enough to wear it out. I do like how the blades flex, though; however, since I'm not aware of any replacement razor heads for Schick Quattro, the price becomes an issue since you must throw away each razor and buy a new one (or a multi-pack). On the other hand, like I said, razors tend to last far longer than their planned obsolescence lifetime I'm sure.

In case you're wondering, yes, I did just take a shower, and yes, I did just shave.

ps. Because of how fast I shave (~30 seconds for both sides, beard, moustache, chin, behind the ear, stray hairs on the cheek, and stray hairs on the throat), I find the powered versions completely worthless and simply a waste of money. I would never buy a Gilette Fusion again. I'll stick to Mach 3, as long as they're still making replacement razors when I need to buy one again :)

If enough people are interested, maybe I can make a video clip of how I shave in 30 seconds, no cuts, no missed spots, and most importantly, if you use aftershave, you definitely won't burn. I can't believe I told my father about this years ago, and might even have given him a Mach 3, but I still think he dry shaves--no shaving cream, no aftershave, no soap, no water.

Last point--I'm terribly interested in learning how to shave with a straight-edge blade. You know, the ones that the barbers use that expose a single sharp blade. Every time I try, I get nothing shaved--and I tried against and with the direction of growth. Is there some trick that I'm missing?

Well, hope to hear from you soon! Please write back with your comments about planned obsolescence and shaving. This post was originally about an an arrangement I had made with my ex-wife, who refused to honour it later, after she knows it's a nine-hour drive (I no longer have a car, and since she lives in the countryside on the Niagara Escarpment, I have no public transportation to get there either, not to mention no money).

For those of you who read this far down, my daughter, Kaitlain Rita Lai Yee Cheung (Half Pure Chinese, Half Pure Irish Newfoundlander) turns three years old today. And even though her mother took her out of town so I can't see her on her birthday or even talk to her to wish her a happy birthday, ... Well, ok, I won't go on any longer; I got appointments to keep...

I hope you keep coming back; most of my ramblings aren't so stream of consciousness--most of them have depth, insightfulness, and should be intuitive and taken for granted if I've done it right (since you take it for granted, you don't think about it--thus you don't really know it)